Pet Loss

The following is dedicated to all who have lost. Pets, parents, jobs, hopes, expectations; all who have been human.

I Don’t Know Who I Am

Valerie Montgomery
February 10, 2021
I don’t know who I am
I don’t know where I am
I don’t feel like myself
I feel like I’m floating
Reading a novel
Escaping the pain
She’s not here
Maybe I think I’ll wake up
And find
Her weighty perfection sitting on mine
I’ll hear her purr purring
And take her in arms
Squeeze without squeezing
Enjoying her
I’ll leave the impression
Of pink on her neck
The greasy sensation
My kiss
She loved me
And gave me a companion
With warmth
I hate that she’s left me
I’m all out of sorts
The tears are now flowing
My breath
Doesn’t come
As wetness is falling
The fog
It rolls in
The heat starts blowing
My little room
Is so quiet.
Where is my Dulce
She could
Come round the corner
There’s no comforting
Just walking the course
I know what to do next
Where am I
All out of sorts.
My baby
I couldn’t save you
Not This time
At least
I tried all I could
It was time to release
I’m sorry
I wished I had just left you here
To die as you wished
On my bed
With my tears
But I didn’t know
This would be your last illness
I hoped you could rally
You know
Get some answers
I love you so much
There is no one like you
They’ve all forgotten
Or, at least
Life’s the same
For them
As I knew
This day would be hard
I never wanted to consider
That you’d ever leave
My beautiful girl
It doesn’t make sense
It’s hard to explain
There’s something big missing
My girl
So much pain
My life will never be the same
The tears and the gasps
The meaning you gave
I love you furever
Nothing will be the same.
Your laconic sardonic approach to the world
Was just the right foil
For how much
I cared.
I loved you
To the extent of my heart
And, what I could do
Just wasn’t enough
You had to leave
When your body wore out
You just needed
to get out of that house.
It wasn’t for you.
Could have stayed
More IV’s, doctors, cages
But, that’s not your style
You needed your freedom
What else can I do?
Oh, breakfast is next.
The day is overcast
And, cold
As I feel.
I need to get up
And feed my still living body
I’ve pulled up your food
Donated the rest
Will give away
Of your supplies
Keep my nest
But, you won’t be here
Keeping me company, warmth
I got you for 13 years
6 months on my lap.
My sisters are texting
Updates and support
I miss you, my darling
There’s nothing
Like you
In all the world.
Dulce de Leche February 8, 2008 to February 3, 2021

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